archisticmind

Today is mom's death anniv., the sky is overcast with clouds, as if mourning with me. I calculated back, since I don't remember which year she passed on. I just remember I was in 5th or 6th grade back then. So, it was 1999, 23 years ago. I was 10, my brother was 16. My brother just started college, and he was in the city (7-8hrs away by car) that time. My mom was transferred to the city when her condition worsened, so I didn't get to see her before she died. The last memory I had was when she already is feeling ill at home. I had a breakdown, and cried a lot, my dad was furious. I don't remember what I was nagging them about, but I think now my dad was furious because he cannot console a crying kid while he is devastated with mom's frail condition. The next thing I remember is me crying at mom's funeral service in church. I was hugged by most aunts from the village, one I quite particularly remember was Aunt Melin's hug. It was so warm and it comforted me a lot. Reminiscing those days now made me cry again. After mom's funeral, dad mourned for a long time. I remember he had those black t-shirts. He wore them everyday until they become thin, tattered and faded into gray. We took time to let go of mom's things, clothes stayed in the cupboard for months. Mom's store shut close, and dad brought the remaining stocks home. We went on with daily life. I wonder how dad coped up, but it must have been tough, especially he was left with two kids to raise. My brother would have felt the same, especially that he is alone in city with our relatives. But everything didn't stop, so I think we just had to go with everything moving on. But enough of being sad. I should be celebrating her life and how she gave life to me. I know she has had many people sad when she passed on. I admire how my mom had reached and touched the lives of many people. During her burial, there were many people who came to mourn and bid farewell. I heard of many people telling praises of her, how she has helped them. My mom was a vibrant soul among friends, and she is charismatic and friendly. There is this warmth with her, I don't know if that is because she is my mom. One thing I always remember she told me, I never forgot. We she was doing the laundry that time. We had no washing machine that time, and water supply was from our well which we had to pump using the mechanical manual pump. So I helped her pump water. I would have ben 8 or 9 year old that time. I think she was having hard time on the laundry, and all the house chores in general. She told me "When you marry, you marry a rich man so you would not have to deal with this things" or somewhere along those lines. Thinking of this, I thought, she had a hard time, but she was happy, right? I would like to choose to think that she was happy with dad and us, even though life was hard. We turned out okay right? My brother and me. And I married okay right? My husband may not be rich, but we are doing ok. So mom, don't worry about me.